I was so sure yesterday. Then Kam made love to me last night, while we watched porn. A fairly new thing for us. I was completely aroused by Kam. I was also completely aroused by the chick in the flick (who by the way looked VERY similar to myself, a fact I enjoyed immensely. HOW SELF CENTERED IS THAT?!) so I guess that puts me back at bi-sexual. Which was where I was when Kam and I had that discussion when we first got together.
I thought for sure that had to be the driving factor behind me wanting to get into making porn at home. Perhaps I’m just over thinking all of it. Maybe I’m just a grown woman who has become much more comfortable with her body and sexuality, and see a market out there I feel I should be tapping into. Why keep asking why?
Kam and I have decided to make a video when our new go-pro cam comes in. He seems to be more comfortable with the camera being on his person. He has more sense of control, I suppose. He’s still not ok with doing live cam, although last night we tried out some live caming, and after seeing how little the girls actually do, he seems to be warming up to the idea.
On another note, for some reason I have taken to this blogging like no other. I’ve had so many therapists tell me I need to journal, or diary daily. I have attempted several times, never making it more than one day and one page. I’ve now blogged (which to all of you real bloggers I am so sorry for even really referring to myself as a blogger, I know I am a terrible writer, and I probably break like every blogging rule that exsists. Truly I would call my writing “jornaling of random brain pops”) for 3 days in a row now. Putting more out into the universe about myself than is even contained in my years old fb page. It feels amazing. The feeling of liberation I get from it is quitcomparablele to the feeling of freedom I get from performing sexual acts on camera. Its quite enlightening really. THE DAMN DOCTORS WERE RIGHT! for fucks sake.