Solitary Confinement 

I started writing this, whatever, 3 days ago thinking I would chronicle my journey or UN-journey into a career in amateur porn. I’ve come to realize I like being able to just put my thoughts out there without judgement. Sure I could rant on FB,and blindly believe my friends and loved ones would love me through all of my truths and not pass judgement. That would be idiotic. I like the fact that on here I can be anybody. Most importantly, I can be ME! The real- selfish, self conscious, boastful, loving, loyal, insane, funny, talented, helplessly apologetic,totally judgemental, non-judgemental, open minded, and completely ass backward self. I, for once do not care who likes me, or what any one of you readers thinks of me. There is not one, NOT ONE time in my life that I can recall where I was able to be nothing less and nothing more than me. I thought I was starting a journey that would lead me to share my outermost intimate side. I had no idea it would lead to me sharing my innermost intimate side. By the time this chapter has reached its conclusion, there shouldn’t be anything about myself I haven’t given myself the opportunity to explore. I’m more excited for life, and exploration of it than I’ve been. That’s a lot coming from me. I’ve decided that although I will be discussing my life intimately, and hopefully completely honestly, only some parts will be included. Other than my “about me” my family will not be mentioned much if at all. Of course kam will be ever present, but just him. As a mom, hairdresser, gf, daughter, sister, maid, cook, teacher, lover, and fighter, there is zero opportunity in my life for me to be me. None of those rolls have my name anywhere in them. They are titles. Characters I play in life. Molding myself into whatever is needed for the moment, hour, or day. When I do get a moment, I bury my face in a book. Again, making myself into another character. Never being myself. When I write these words, I am me. It’s as if I’ve been released of a 36 year sentence in solitary confinement. If even one person reads, I`m no longer solitary. 

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